Becca: *Darkly chuckles and smiles*
Ben: Well there is a great, blunt, snarky, comment ridden story about it and it all began with us…..
After I had talked with Becca 5 months about both of our stories, insecurities, and catch up, I decided that February 1, 2016 would be a good day to ask her to start dating me. So to make sure there wasn’t another fear or personal thing in our way I asked…...Why aren’t you dating anyone?
Becca:First off there should be wine for this.
Ben: To bad we drank it all on national wine day. Please go on and spill the beans, maybe even pour a cup of tea!
Becca:Ohh. Yeah We drank that for sure on Monday for wine day… while we marketed! And the beans that I spilt…. Are you pertaining to the infamous line of “Because I feel like no one was worth my time.” I also remember you having a very snappy comeback, that threw me for a loop!
Ben: Here it is!
“ So I suppose that I am not worth you time?”
A 101 a course to "Sliding Into them DM’s" with Professor Benjamin Pettis.
But first off, Becca for extra credit could you tell me your response?
Becca: “Oh well I don’t know. Time hasn’t shown me that you weren’t, so I guess time can only tell.”
Maybe it’s a good thing we aren’t drinking- I forget how cocky you get with this story. Don’t be given out how to’s- I’m still the bookworm who turns on “Do Not Disturb” when a book gets good.
Ben: *coughs* OR ONE GETS OPENED.
Becca: Oh what was that? I think I had "Do Not Disturb" turned on for your sassy, cocky self this evening! *winks with a smile, and coyly waves from across the room*
Ben: *Smiles and rolls eyes playfully* We both are bookworms ... you just read faster so you just seem like you always are reading a new one!
Anyhow back to it,we both agree Valentine's Day, is just another way for companies to get people to pay for love.
It’s not just a one time of year thing!
You need to love your partner and show them that love equally everyday of the year not just once. You have to look at your Someone, and learn their love language: whether it is a great date at the park, or night in with candles and a bath! You don’t need to go get 15 boxes of candy and an army of stuffed animals!
You just need to love them accordingly.
Becca: So sassy and cocky creates such a matched sass level, your sweetness melts. Goodness I loathe that holiday! Ben, you should probably take lead or else I’m going to get on a soapbox and talk.
Ben: Well if I take the soapbox, we both had horrible experiences with Valentine's Day. It didn’t help the situation and our skepticism toward each other's motive. (Which of course, once we got talking turns out we had no motives!) believe that relationships take time. You need to both get to know one another before “dating” goes into effect. I wouldn’t have changed a single second of the entire experience.
Do you think we did it right?
Becca: You are right we each have our skepticisms, and turns out 0 motives. I think we did it right by us - because we wouldn’t have worked if one of us was completely enamored, with only showing affection one day out of the year. So let us get digging deeper into why we don’t celebrate Valentine's Day and how it has benefited us.
Ben: We don’t celebrate valentines day anymore because it is that time of year when you go to the store looking for some avocados and see several people loading up carts with pink boxes of candy, army’s of stuffed animals, and $30 flowers. When seeing this ourselves we began wondering how much the average person spends on valentine’s and it ended up being around $160. By seeing this trend and learning from it we’ve come away with the benefits of not doing Valentine’s day. We treat each other by the little things we do, clearly communicating and not buying love once a year.
When asked at work what I had done for Valentine’s day, I responded with “Nothing, uh, we actually don’t celebrate it. We actually show one another how much we love them each day, and celebrate each other each day…. Compared to just one time or a few times a year.” The faces and responses I receive are almost always the same: "I got my girlfriend a gift, flowers, and candy." This sounds like, well um, sounds like you are trying to conform to the social norm.
Becca: Oh you came home so grumpy that day, but those avocados, man you have come a long way in picking the perfect avocados!
Ben: Uhhhh that is only because I learned from the best! Being the original question I had asked you to start talking to you! "We should Facetime sometime! I've never made guac before!!" It really helped me understand your love of avocados.
Becca: Yeah, we Texans do know a good avocado. Anyhow, we are not saying it is a bad thing to spoil your partner,
Ben: Wine and Dining is wonderful.
Becca: But only doing it on Valentine's Day or for a "holiday" is what we have problems with.
Ben: Love is more than a holiday, your partner, spouse, the person you love- should always know you love them by the little things you do for them, and by loving them and knowing their love language that speaks to them and you!
We befriended an old couple that taught us a few things about love languages, their method goes by 9 simple but powerful rules! When we heard said rules we immediately asked for a copy! They are as follows:
- Treat your spouse as if they were your best friend.
- Speak absolutely no negativity in the house.
- Tell them everyday how much you appreciate them.
- Tell them everyday how much you love them.
- Take them out to dinner twice a month- without the kids.
- Surprise them once a month with flowers.
- Take them dreaming - and out to dinner.
- Take your eyes off yourself.
- Give, Give, Give, & Give.
Becca: Our friends with these rules, do celebrate the holiday, but with only 3 roses: one rose for each word in "I love you." So by all means wine and dine your sweetheart, sassy biscuit, but do not starve them of the love that they deserve, that is very unhealthy. One good big display of affection, will not save your relationship. It is the daily task that you each must check off, in loving one another accordingly, that will save and flourish your relationship.
Ben: After starving for love, one will often run to the nearest love being given –whether that is good or bad love, that is up to you to judge. Some will hop on tinder just so they will have someone for Valentine's Day "date", but if you are coming into the holidays you may want to be weary of fake love, as being a big motivator for anyone wanting to hit it and quit it *yes SR MIX A LOT* !
Becca: I do believe I told you, "can't touch this na na na can't touch this."
Ben: You did, but if I remember correctly you also said that for the whole month of February- because you did not believe in dating in the "month of fake love." *winks* But I guess March 1st was okay to become official.
I also hate Valentine's Day because people will buy lingerie for "their mother" but really, they are buying it for their one night hook up on the evening that is SUPPOSED TO BE about "Real love".
This whole idea that one day of buying your sweetheart of biscuit, candies, dinner and flowers in the name of "love" is so gimmicky. It's teaching generations to base "love" on what they get one day, compared to each day.
It's also making people feel unloved and reaching for unhealthy mentality that they "need someone".
Which as Becca told me, the first time I unknowingly attempted to slide in her dm's "you don't need anyone so don't you dare put someone on a pedestal. Ergo, I do not need you. "
Ironically that was the moment, I knew I wanted this stubborn biscuit, and she was the one who got me. That's for another blog though, for another time.
Becca: I wholeheartedly agree Ben, and duh March 1st is Springtime in my book- so perfect time for a new relationship.
My ironic moment of knowing you were different is when you met me on my sass level, and unapologetically had a stare down of wills, and STILL respected me. Amongst a million different moments, the strongest that paint you differently than most is your respectful nature. I agree definitely more blogs in the future, but can we please update our photos? Last year we did so many selfie sessions, and this year we are slacking.
Ben: Oh how wonderful more blogs, that means your favorite time, wine time, besides book time.
Becca: Oh how right you are!
Ben: *smiles softly* It really does make a difference when you are in need of a best friend, soul mate, and partner to help you get through the times where you need each other the most.
Becca: It really does. So we have talked about the superficial love, the starvation love and we have talked about ways to avoid that, and apparently we even have talked about a little SR MIX A LOT, and I don't know what all else you want to include in this blog, seeing how this could go on for longer.
Ben: That's a really good point, I’m drawing a blank, but you are right this could go on forever if we start going into statistics and polls. Valentine’s day has done one thing and that's helping us realize that we need to communicate more and buy a little less, Especially on only one day of the year. If you think that's good I’ll pass it back to you love!
Becca: Perfect timing, I need pour some more tea. Time to summarize and post this bad boy!
Summarize points of blog: Why we hate Valentine's Day:
1) If you only care about your relationship one day or a few days out of the year- you need to evaluate your relationship. And probably have a serious talk with your partner.
2) You do not need to buy your partner's love to be happy, and if you are... once again you need to evaluate your relationship and have a serious talk with your partner.
If you expect your partner to constantly buy you things, you might need to evaluate why and have a serious talk with your partner.
3) Say no to fake love, lukewarm love, and love that isn't real. Keep (love) her wild.
4) Listen to old people, who have years on you, when it comes to real love. They have been through some poop emojis, and know what they are talking about.
5) Don't ask us for why we do not celebrate Valentine's Day, we could go on forever.
Till next Banter Blog! This is B+B signing off!