2017, was memorable in ways we never thought it would be.
This year from the start tested us, but it also granted us the possibilities to grow. This year we learned more about the world around us, and we studied it. It taught us so many life lessons, and showed us how to bloom where we are planted.
As we are bound by our routines, and promises of tomorrow, we have learned that tomorrow is not promised, and the routines are strictly a way of making us feel in control of our lives. Did you know that the more you try to control your life, the more unhappy you will be? Here is the thing: what is meant to be, will be. You will not have to fret, stress, or fight the universe over it. It might take time, it might take a little planning- but keep that planning stupid simple. The more you plan and fret, the more unhappy you are bound to be.
We have had friends who tried teaching this before, but the planner happy one out of B+B, needed this year, to humble her. She still loves her planer and color coded white board, but she knows when to drink wine and when to drink coffee- also when to just make a jack and coke, to go with reading to relax. Here is the thing, you can fret and worry your days away, or you can combat it will small planning to just quiet your beating heart of yours.
Things to do besides worry:
Talk it out.
Seriously, if you have a spouse, talk to them. Turn off the technology and actually talk it out. Figure out your stressor, and then write down an outline of a plan to deal. If you do not have a spouse, then find a good friend and do the same thing.
2) Plan for the uncomfortable.
Life will always surprise when you are not ready to leave your comfort spot. Bet on it every single time. “Plan for the worse; Pray for the best” is what we say in our household…. WAY TOO MUCH. It does help when life throws curve balls, or “when God gets tired of you being blind.” So literally always plan for the worse and you will be gifted the mindset of gratefulness when things go better than expected.
3) Get Distracted.
Seriously, never thought this would come out from us, but who said you have to be stuck in routines? Who said you HAVE to worry or be thinking ALL the time? Take a day, go chill. Sneak off to a new place, you have been dying to visit; or sneak away to a comfort spot. Just bring your phone in case you need it, but turn it off. Be one with yourself. If you have issues with this is, it is time to look deeper because there might be issues you are not tackling, spend the day on yourself for your peace of mind.
4) Find an Outlet.
No this not for a charger, but an emotional outlet. Go workout, go cook something new, go read, go find a hobby! Get your emotions to work for you, and then you will be able to think more clearly and not stress and worry.
5) Take Mental Timeout.
If you believe in a higher power, go talk to them. If you do not, invest your energy into a type of meditation. Instead running in many directions, sit in one spot, close your eyes and focus energy where it needs to be- on ONE thing at a time.
Moving on from fretting over your life: MOVE ON FROM REPUTATION.
This is something I (Becca here for this part) am struggling to learn. Ben has 0 problem, he cares way less than I do, but this goes back to “what will be, will”.
Here is the thing, people assume that because you are a friend, a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, ANY TITLE really, that you must act a certain way. Be a certain way, or else you fail. AT EVERYTHING. This could not be further from the truth. People get so caught up in not disappointing others, that they let their self down first, and this society is spreading this brainwash like rapid wildfires. My grandma says “No one has to do anything, they only think they do. They want to be pleasing. I don’t, not unless I am happy myself.”
Honestly need to learn and live by this, because my grandma although can have a temper, is actually one of the most fun people to talk to and be around. You never worry about where you stand with her. Everyone looks forward to teatime with Grams, because Grams does not care to be politically correct, she cares to be frank- unless you do not strike her as the listening type, because then she will just sit, smile and sip.
These qualities of Grams, are what I need to learn, especially as a co-business head. I get so caught up in caring what is said about it, and wanting it to have great customer service that I do a lot of things I shouldn’t- like apologize (way too much) when I should say “No, have a great day.” I should honestly let go of my overly nice reputation, but I know it will take time because that has been who I have been, for so long. So like cigarettes, I am attempting to quit cold turkey, and keep my sanity. Learning from good friends, Grams and the husband on this one.
How to Let Go of your “Too Good” Reputation:
1) If you are anything like myself, stop saying, “Sorry” when you shouldn’t.
This does not mean become an astronomical jerk and never say sorry when you are wrong, just do not say it when you are not wrong. Also stop feeling sorry, when you shouldn’t. Another “Grams’ Logic”: People tend to make their own bed-can’t feel sorry for them when they ruin sheets, they knew what they were doing. Basically, after leaving childhood, we all know what is right, wrong, and in between the gray areas. Instead of feeling bad in situations you should not; you should however, let people be who they choose to be, and do not say sorry for them. Say sorry to yourself, for not giving yourself more respect and value, and getting yourself into situations that could have been avoided.
2) Being “too nice” and “too sweet” equals “too bad” for you, so learn the word NO. Stick to it.
Often times we overly nice people feel sorry and bad for people making their beds the way they do, so we try to help. Then learn (often too late) that the person did not mind their messy bed, and we just got stuck doing something we did not have to. See step 1, on avoiding these situations. Besides not feeling sorry, and saying sorry when you should not- the word NO, should be in your vocabulary. Say it with calmness, and directness, and watch your world go from stress to non-stress. Watch your circle shrink, and Life become way more simple, easy going. Instead of saying yes all the time, say no, and make sure you are joyful first. Do not sign up for something out of pity and trying to be nice, sign up because you want to. But then do not feel obligated to please everyone you meet on this path either.
3) Be okay with making yourself happy, first.
We have been taught since childhood to be generous, and be told generosity should have no limit. That being generous means you yourself should never think of yourself. Here is the advice I was given for combating this logic, “you can not give from an empty pot, you can not give from an empty garden and ergo you can not give from an empty you. IF you try, it will come out wonky, and not 100% good- just because it might help someone out, it could be the last you can give. So make sure to nurse yourself, so when you do give, it is not without worthiness, for both parties. So make a cup of tea, and say no, to make sure you can keep giving.” Honestly, this is important and making sure you can give your best, makes a difference in what you can do. Everyone deserves saving and help-including you.
This year was not without grief, and loss, and struggle, but in these we found strength we did not know we had. We found joy in the little things and rebounding with each step. There is a reason why we need darkness in our lives, because we then see the light in our lives and appreciate it way more than we just have light all the time. We need the uncomfortable days, to make up for the bland routine filled days. We need to hear our heartbeat and be reminded that we are meant to live for so much more than a paycheck. That we are worth so much more, that paper that has dollar amount that is society deems worthy of value. We are intellectual, strong, creative, bountiful souls that can do so much more when release ourselves from our routines, worry, and reputations.
We can be free of stress once we know what are stressors are. We can be able to be our authentic selves, once we let go of who we “should be”. We can strong, once we realize the battles that we have won. We can carry the torch to the next, once we know we can make it to the next.
One Last List:
-Never take yourself for granted.
-Always believe in yourself.
-Create your own freedom by cutting the chord to staying in your rut.
-Even in the darkest of times, there is always light- how can you tell the difference between your eyes being closed and darkness? Because you need light to know what the dark is. So open your eyes.
-Know your limits, and remember what will be, will. No need to fret.
Here is a quick look back through photos from the past year.
Some of these have yet to be posted here, and we are working diligently in updating the site! Busy year, and loads of memories that need to be displayed.